life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
