ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
