is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
