Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
