This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
