mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
