I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
