There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
