I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
