I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
