dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
