he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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