It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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