good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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