margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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