Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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