dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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