This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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