I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
