First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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