hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
