I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
