I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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