atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
