I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My penis needs a shock collar
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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