got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
