I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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