Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His nipple licking is glorious
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
