I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
