I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize