He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
40s are totally the cure
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
