she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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