you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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