I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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