On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
