we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
