god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
