I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
