Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
