My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
