Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
