We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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