the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
