1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
