You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
