Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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