I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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