$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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