WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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