Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
