Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
