There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
