I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
