I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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