Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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