i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
