actually, I'm a sock model
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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