I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
