I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
