I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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