it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
