Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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