After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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