He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
