Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
