Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
