god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
