the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
