I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
