Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
