i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
